Letting Go of Perfectionism

 Perfectionism is characterized as a personality trait in which a person strives for flawlessness in all parts of life. Perfectionists have unattainably high standards for themselves. They are exceedingly concerned about others’ evaluation of them, hardly ever satisfied with their performance, and blame themselves for when things go wrong--even when they are not directly involved or responsible. For the perfectionist, mistakes are felt to be personal failures and/or personal deficits. Mistakes are not seen as a normal part of learning and growing that we all experience. A surprising consequence of perfectionism is chronic procrastination. Many people interpret their procrastination as not caring or as simply being “lazy”.  Actually procrastination is a symptom of perfectionism. Putting tasks off is the perfectionists way of protecting him or herself from the underlying fear that they will not complete the task perfectly, so they put it off as long as possible

    When perfectionists perform at what they perceive to be “below their standard” they become overly critical of themselves; damaging their self-esteem. This happens because the perfectionists’ self-worth is dependent upon productivity and accomplishment. Pressuring oneself to achieve lofty and unrealistic goals inevitably sets the person up for disappointment and feelings of frustration.  As a result, perfectionists often berate themselves with an abusive internal dialogue. They tell themselves they are stupid, inadequate, lazy, and may believe something is fundamentally wrong with them.

    Not all perfectionists are concerned with only productivity and accomplishments. A small subset of perfectionists is focused on achieving perfect physical appearance. Today’s society undeniably overvalues the importance of people’s physical appearance. We are surrounded by glossy magazine images, celebrities, and billboard pictures of flawless men and women who look “perfect” mainly due to digital enhancements and photo-shopping. Perfect looks have become highly valued since they symbolize success, happiness, and admiration by others. Consequently, this subset of perfectionists is at greater risk for developing Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and Eating Disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Perfectionists whose self-esteem is more reliant on productivity and accomplishing goals are also susceptible to developing BDD and eating disorders in addition to depression, anxiety disorders, and problems in their personal relationships and careers. 

     When perfectionists are able to understand the underlying feelings feeding their behaviors they become aware of the vicious cycle their perfectionism creates and the negative impact in has on their overall happiness. Perfectionists tend to live narrow lives and often do not reach their full potential. They refuse to try new things for fear that they will make a mistake. Fortunately perfectionism can be treated with the help of a mental professional. Treatment focuses on helping the perfectionist to develop a realistic appraisal of him or herself, develop the ability to enjoy the process of attaining goals, help the perfectionist to accept mistakes as a normal part of learning and life, and develop a positive sense of self independent of one’s performance on a specific task or accomplishment. Treatment modalities for perfectionism include cognitive-behavioral therapy (challenging the irrational thoughts and formation of alternative ways of coping and thinking, psychoanalytic therapy (analyzes the underlying motives and issues), and group therapy (where two or more individuals work with one or more therapists).

Below are some tips to help you cope with perfectionism:

1. Become aware of your negative self-dialogue. Harsh and critical self-assessments reinforce perfectionism and procrastination.
2. Practice self-compassion. When we are compassionate with ourselves or fear of failure is not exaggerated. Mistakes are understood as being a natural and normal part of learning and life in general.
3. Take the time examine if your goals and expectations are attainable. If they are not, give yourself the permission to change them.   
4. Break goals down into smaller steps.
5. Examine your irrational fears of failure with a professional.  A professional can help with putting your irrational fears into prospective and help you to reach your full potential—living a full and rich life.

 

Women and Binge Drinking:Symptoms and Treatment

     A recent survey from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that nearly 14 million U.S. women binge drink on average three times a month. Binge drinking is  defined as consuming five or more alcoholic drinks in one sitting for men and four or more alcoholic drinks for women  Binge drinking among women is both dangerous and often overlooked. It is most common among non-Hispanic white women from higher socio- economic backgrounds, women in households earning $75,000 or more per year. Many women began binge drinking in adolescence or early adulthood. As with many other types of substance abuse disorders, alcohol and/or other substances serve as a means of coping with difficult feelings, such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Furthermore, adolescence and young adulthood for girls and women can be particularly  challenging since this developmental period can create ambivalent feelings regarding separation and individuation--a necessary developmental phase resulting in one becoming an emotionally healthy, competent, and mature woman.

     Binge drinking deeply effects women emotionally and  physically. Physically, it increase a woman's risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and various other metabolic disorders. Emotionally, binge drinking can worsen symptoms of depression, anxiety, and escalate existing family and/or relationship problems. Moreover, binge drinking negatively impact memory, concentration, our ability to plan, as well as our decision-making capacities.  Several studies have shown that binge drinking thins the brain's  pre-frontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for attention, planning, decision-making, processing of emotions, and our controlling impulsive thoughts and behaviors. Binge drinking also increases our risk of accident, injury, and becoming the victim of violence.

     There are many individual  factors associated with a woman's risk of developing binge drinking behaviors at any age. Underlying depression, anxiety, impulsivity, a family history of alcohol abuse and the expectation that drinking will "make things better" are all factors that contribute to binge drinking and its continuation.

Signs and Symptoms of Binge Drinking:

          1. Feel guilty or ashamed about your drinking.

2. Lying to others or hiding your drinking habits.

3. Friends or family members have expressed their concern about your drinking.

4. The need to drink in order to relax or feel better.

5. Having "black- outs" or forgetting what you did while you were drinking.

6. Drinking more than you intended to.

7. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms after a binge drinking episode, such as shaking or body tremors, restlessness, poor concentration, mood swings, depression, anxiety, and changes in vitals such as heart rate, blood pressure, sleep, and appetite.

Treatment of Binge Drinking:

1. Educate yourself about the physical and emotional consequences of binge drinking.

2. Identify what specific feelings and circumstances trigger your binge drinking.

3. Try to have a plan in place for when you are more likely to binge drink.

4. Be less critical of yourself. Feelings of shame and harsh self- criticism can contribute to the continuation binge drinking, creating what feels to be an un changeable vicious cycle.
Profound feelings of shame, guilt and self-criticism can also hinder one from seeking treatment.

5. Seek professional help in order to work on the emotional issues underlying your binge
drinking.  Professional treatment can help you with learning healthy coping mechanism leading to higher self-esteem and a happier and more satisfying life.

Borderline Personailty Disorder--Facts versus Myths

      Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious condition that affects 3xs the number of women verses men. Women diagnosed with BPD have stormy and unstable relationships, problems regulating strong feelings, an unclear sense of self, chronic feelings of emptiness, and some may engage in impulsive and self-damaging behaviors such as suicidal thoughts and behaviors and self injurious behaviors like cutting one’s self.  Women suffering with BPD also struggle with trusting other people and tend to be suspicious of other’s motives and behaviors. This type of thinking usually stems from their processing reality in a “black” and “white” manner. And acknowledging the nuances in their relationships with other people and themselves is difficult for them to appreciate. “Black” and “white” thinking results in people with BPD idealizing themselves, other people, and/or situations which can then quickly change into devaluing themselves, other people, and/or situations all of which causes stormy unstable relationships and an inconsistent self-image. 

     All too often I have seen women receive a diagnosis of BPD in error or based on a clinician’s impressions after a brief meeting. Although this disorder may appear easy to self-diagnosis, a valid diagnosis of BPD involves an extensive evaluation. BPD is a complex condition and a full discussion is beyond the scope of this post. I have listed a few of the important facts and myths regarding the symptoms and treatment of BPD that I hope will be helpful to you for understanding this disorder.  

FACT: BPD is a common disorder with estimates of 10% to 15% of the general population. Many women diagnosed with BPD also suffer from depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and eating disorders. It is not uncommon for women diagnosed with BPD to have been sexually, physically, and /or emotionally abused during childhood.

FACT: To have a diagnosis of BPD a person has to have five out of nine total criteria, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. These criteria include the following:

-problems with relationships (fears of abandonment; unstable relationships)

-unstable emotions (frequent emotional ups and down; high emotional sensitivity)

-unstable identity (clear sense of self; chronic feelings of emptiness)

-impulsive and self-damaging behaviors

-unstable thinking/cognition (suspiciousness; tendency to dissociate when under stress)

 

  

FACT: BPD usually develops during adolescence or early adulthood. In addition to sexual trauma being a factor in the development of the disorder, parental neglect and unstable family relationships has been shown to contribute to an individual’s risk for developing this disorder. Other studies suggest BPD may also have a genetic component; it is thought that individuals may inherit his or her temperament along with specific personality traits, particularly impulsiveness and aggression.

   

MYTH: Women diagnosed with BPD are always difficult to deal with, likely to be physically aggressive, untreatable, depressed, and/ or unable to live fulfilling and productive lives. These symptoms usually vary in their intensity. The majority of women and others diagnosed with BPD are genuinely very passionate, courageous, loyal, sensitive, thoughtful and intelligent individuals. 

MYTH: BPD is not treatable. This is one of the most harmful misconceptions about BPD. In fact, the opposite is true. Current studies indicate that rates of recovery from BPD are much higher than previously thought. Psychodynamic-psychotherapy 1 -2xs per week aimed at helping women regulate their intense emotions, reduce self destructive behaviors, create stable relationships, and develop a cohesive sense of identity has been shown to be an effective treatment. Group therapy that teaches mindfulness (paying attention to the present), interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation has also been shown to be helpful in treating BPD.

Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a therapist that one trusts and feels safe and secure with in addition to being available by phone, e-mails, or other means of communication in between sessions is a crucial component for effective treatment. Other treatment options include cognitive-behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, and schema-focused therapy. Additionally, family members of individuals diagnosed with BPD may also benefit from some kind of therapy.  Family therapy can educate family members and loved ones about BPD and it can educate them about ways in which they can reduce their loved one’s symptoms.

Below are a few tips for coping with BPD:

1. Seek professional help and try to stick with treatment even when you feel discouraged.
2. Exercise Regularly. Exercise has been shown to improve one’s mood, decrease anxiety, and reduce stress.
3. Get at minimum of 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Getting proper rest helps with mood regulation and decreases mood swings.
4. Educate yourself about the disorder. Consider joining a support group.
5. Set realistic goals for yourself.  Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work on achieving your goals.
6. Identify and seek out comforting situations, places, and people.