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Friday, February 23, 2018

Breaking up in the Digital Age

Reflections on loss, mourning, closure and social media.

 


Fotolia//kieferpix
Breaking up is difficult—and in our 24/7 digital world, mourning losses is even more messy and complicated. Allowing proper time and space to fully mourn is crucial to our psychological wellbeing. Halting the process by denying it, minimizing its significance and avoiding feelings associated with it puts us at greater risk for experiencing other emotional setbacks.
Social media can compound our misery. Regularly visiting an ex’s status updates, reading posts or revisiting past texts can prolong and complicate the grieving and mourning process. Social media can even trigger unexpected emotions from losses suffered long ago.
A young woman in her mid-20s recently came to me for help in dealing with the breakup of a five-year relationship with her boyfriend. They’d been together since high school, and with the help of social media, they maintained their relationship while attending different colleges. “Texting and Facetime was key for us staying together,” she told me in one session. “Scott was my first boyfriend, so this breakup is really hard to accept. I know I shouldn’t do this, but I can’t help checking his social media feeds daily. Sometimes it’s like 10 to 20 times a day.”
Karen’s social media obsession with her ex was interfering with her sleep, her eating and her concentration. “I feel like I’m on the slippery slope of developing a social media addiction,” she confessed. “I’m even sleeping with the phone right under my pillow, because I’m afraid I may miss a text from him in the middle of the night.”
Over time, the patient gained control of her urges, and she began to realize how much her behavior was prolonging her sadness. As she became more mindful of her social media habits, it helped her move through the mourning process.
According to psychiatrist and grieving expert Elizabeth Kubler Ross, we process our feelings in the following five stages:
  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance
It’s also normal to move back and forth between stages—for example, from bargaining to anger and back again. Mourning is not a neat process. The light at the end of the tunnel is acceptance. It’s the antidote to notgetting stuck— and it promotes feelings of hope.
Here are five tips to help you gain closure in the digital age:
  1. Take a break from all social media. Even if it’s just for a day, creating some emotional distance helps cool anger, sadness, disbelief, denial and hopelessness.  
  2. Cultivate virtual boundaries. Just as you might want to avoid seeing an ex in real life, the same applies to your virtual life. Consider unfollowing your ex temporarily or, if need be, permanently.
  3. Stay connected with your friends. Start a new group text with your closest pals or a “best friends only” Facebook group. This should help minimize feelings of isolation.
  4. Identify which social media habits are triggers. Be prepared to see images and postings from your ex that might trigger strong feelings, and be mindful of the time of day you use social media. If you’re facing an especially stressful day at work or school, avoiding it in the morning could spare you the sort of heartache that interferes with your ability to focus throughout the day. 
  5. Remain hopeful. You won’t feel this way forever. For various reasons, not all relationships are meant to be. 

4 comments:

  1. I am Alenna Alison This is my testimony on how my ex lover come back home..i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to chief priest ODUMODU for bringing back my lover who left me for almost 2 year,i feel like my life is completely over, so one day as i was browsing searching on the internet for recommend spell caster who will help me to bring my lover back, Finally i met a writing how so many testimony talking about how ODUMODU help to restore relationship back,so i decided to give it a try so i contacted the spell caster called ODUMODU and explain my problems to him,and he cast spell love spell luckily within the 48 hours my lover really called me and started apologizing for all he had caused me.and be begging me to accept him back and will are live happily marriage, I am the happiest woman on earth today because ODUMODU has done a wonderful deeds in my life and i will continue to share this testimony, i pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine, contact him. drodumodusolutions@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was searching for advise on what to do to get back my EX Husband, My story is about a woman who used to work with my husband in the same office, they were having secrete affair and i caught them, for that reason my we had to split, but i still love him but it seems he was deeply in lover with the other lady and he left me useless, after few weeks of searching for help, I came across Dr.Alli who can help me, i contacted Dr.Alli for help due to the fact that i needed my EX lover desperately because he is my everything and my life. To God be the glory, my EX husband came back to me within 24 hours and he swore never to cheat on me again and promised to love me forever, Viewers reading my article that also need his help should contact him with his email : ( allispellhelp1@gmail.com ) call or Whatsapp +2348100772528 he will solve your relationship problem.....

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  3. CONTACT DR PERFECT TODAY VIA EMAIL solutiontoallproblems1@gmail.com AND GET YOUR BROKEN MARRIAGE RESTORED BACK WITHIN 24 HOURS

    Hello everyone am Lucas Martinez from USA, after 15 years of marriage, me and my wife were living happily together we loved each other so much and I Loved my family they were my top priority, until one morning me and my wife had a little argument which I know every couples do have because there are no perfect couples in this world after the argument I went to work when I came home I couldn't find my wife and our kids she also packed her bags and that of the kids and left I tried calling her but I couldn't reach her I went to her friend's house but they couldn't tell me where to find her, I was frustrated I didn't know what to do I started drinking alcohol every day and night I stopped going to work it was a difficult thing for me because she and my kids means everything to me it's was like part of my body left me I couldn't function well, one day I was browsing on the Internet when I saw a testimony of someone testifying of a man called Dr Perfect and how he brought back his wife within 24 hours I didn't think twice about it I messaged him and told him everything that happened between me and my wife and he said he find my problem very easy for him to solve he also told me to trust him that my wife will come back and I told him I trust him and he asked for some information which I gave him, 24 hours later my wife came back home with the kids I was so surprised to see her it was like a dream to me she started crying and apologizing to me I told her it's okay I forgive her that am happy she is back we are now living happily together. If you are heart broken because your wife or husband left you email this powerful love spell caster called Dr Perfect via email

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    ReplyDelete
  4. CONTACT DR PERFECT TODAY VIA EMAIL solutiontoallproblems1@gmail.com AND GET YOUR BROKEN MARRIAGE RESTORED BACK WITHIN 24 HOURS

    Hello everyone am Lucas Martinez from USA, after 15 years of marriage, me and my wife were living happily together we loved each other so much and I Loved my family they were my top priority, until one morning me and my wife had a little argument which I know every couples do have because there are no perfect couples in this world after the argument I went to work when I came home I couldn't find my wife and our kids she also packed her bags and that of the kids and left I tried calling her but I couldn't reach her I went to her friend's house but they couldn't tell me where to find her, I was frustrated I didn't know what to do I started drinking alcohol every day and night I stopped going to work it was a difficult thing for me because she and my kids means everything to me it's was like part of my body left me I couldn't function well, one day I was browsing on the Internet when I saw a testimony of someone testifying of a man called Dr Perfect and how he brought back his wife within 24 hours I didn't think twice about it I messaged him and told him everything that happened between me and my wife and he said he find my problem very easy for him to solve he also told me to trust him that my wife will come back and I told him I trust him and he asked for some information which I gave him, 24 hours later my wife came back home with the kids I was so surprised to see her it was like a dream to me she started crying and apologizing to me I told her it's okay I forgive her that am happy she is back we are now living happily together. If you are heart broken because your wife or husband left you email this powerful love spell caster called Dr Perfect via email

    solutiontoallproblems1@gmail.com

    You can also message him on WhatsApp +(1)256-251-3614

    ReplyDelete